Baby Ken,
I should be honest with you right now. I need you to know how I feel.
- You're too emotional and it's hard for me to handle. I'm drowning and sinking in your love right now and I want to have a little air to breath.
- You know what I'm still a Muslim as much I want to hug you kiss you in public I have my time. And yes I don't feel uncomfortable when you keep like indirectly forcing me to kiss you or hug you.
- Even though I'm your girlfriend that you feel comfortable with I understand that but I want you to act like grown up man. PLEASE wipe your mouth you eat like a kid. I always have to remind you about this shit.
- I want to have a NORMAL communication with you. I'm tired acting all cute or kawaii. I want to be me. Sometimes I talk to you like a friend of mine. WHEN you ask me to be all cute lovey dovey for you. Boy I'm getting bored and sick with it. It's like we can't communicate now AND I have to be someone else and not me.
- The invade privacy thing issue we experience yesterday.
I'M SCARED BECAUSE I GOT LOT MORE TO LOSE THAN YOU DO. SO YES I DON'T THINK I SHOULD BE HAPPY AFTER WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH. I'M NOT LIKE YOU. YOU WAY FUCK UP PROUD YOU READ SOME OTHER PEOPLE EXPERIENCE ABOUT THIS THING.
You should understand one thing, I love you. I wish my life would be the same like yours. You can do anything. My life is the opposite of yours. I wish you could see and feel my life. I'm not allowed to do stuff that is not what my kind/people should be doing. Even if I don't look like them. I fear because I can't lie to myself that I am one of them. I can't be lovey dovey like I used too because I know it's a wrong thing to do.
I can't keep on pretending I'm tired. Showing love affection is always what I wanted to do. But in this country we just can't. Face it. You can't always have what you want.
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