Everyday I fantasize myself with my real family. Happy and all that. Not what I feel now. I feel bitter every time I have to go back to my hometown. I mean why? It's not like I'm bonding with them. So I fantasize the day I meet my mom and her home made meal.... I.. really wanted to eat that. It would be my first time. I really wish that what I dream now... my mom would be having the same dream with me too. I feel scared to meet her, well after I heard lot of not so encouraging stories from my friends. Haha. Well kids you don't experience what I feel. You can't be in my shoes cause you already have what I don't have. Sometimes I'd like to ask my friends, "so how your parents meet and fall inlove?" I frequent ask those questions because I wish I can ask mine. I ask my adopted mom and she slam me off with "it's none of your business." I really like to ask my friends how their families where like. Sometimes when I get really bored, I'd like to browsing some random happy family photos and on the bottom of the picture written there I Love You Dad. I Love You Mom. But all this kinda shattered when I read some article says there are some happy endings in biological families reunion and some of it just not happy ending. It scares me cause everyday I wake up I wish my ending would be the good ones.
But really, I understand if she have a new family now and she wishes that I'm just a bump that should stay in the past. I understand. If anyone who could give me her exact address I won't be knocking at her door and says I'm your long lost child or maybe I hoped that she could welcome me. All I want is to see her from far... see how she look like. I wouldn't go there and ask her how did she get me and all that. To me if I just see her face it would be more than enough.
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