UNFAIR

So this month is starting to be the shitty month of all. I mean come on. Everything is about unfairness. You see I'm not even miss goodie perfect little girl. No I'm not. I just... don't like to lose on something. It's hard to explain. BUT here's the story about UNFAIR thingy going on. 

On 6 March everyone in my university receive the EXAM RESULTS. Most people just anyhow do their work just for the sake surviving in their university life BUT I'm not. You see... I came to this university having the hope that I could archive my goal and dreams. WHAT HAPPEN IS. I GOT 3.2 GPA AND MY CGPA DROP TO 3.4 OK. NOT SUCK YET BUT THE PROBLEM IS I CAN'T GET SCHOLARSHIP FOR MY DEGREE. Malaysia is a rip off country. No offense but I couldn't get to public universities because I'm not really that "qualified" LOL and I couldn't get PTPTN because my dad salary can cover my studies. Yes, it's true. BUT MY MOM IS NOT WORKING ! I have a brother who is in college so yea. That doesn't sound like my dad can cover my studies RIGHT? So I need to get 3.5 and above CGPA for every semester maintaining it. When I get 3.4 CGPA my dream CRUSH AND BURNED. 

To make it worst. I don't deserved this B+ YOU KNOW WHY? Everyone said my work for this semester deserved A+ even the lecturers said so. But why on earth you give me a B+? Another shit thing is FRIEND(S) WITH (S) get the same grade as I do B+ when they did nothing at all. BY NOTHING MEANS THEY DIDN'T EVEN DO THEIR COURSEWORK OK. So why a person who didn't do anything and a person who did it and complete it aka ME gets B+? 

You think my friends are liers? NO THEY REALLY DIDN'T EVEN DO IT. How I know? We upload our works on this particular website so everyone can see and I ain't see a shit from the FRIENDS? How is that possible? I really really feel heartbroken and I cried whole day for this sack of misery. I've heard rumours going around that a lecturer will never correct his/her mistakes because it will JEOPARDISE his post as a lecturer !? what the fuck? NOT CORRECTING YOUR MISTAKES CAN MAKE A STUDENT SUFFER THEIR FUTURE. Please what a lame fuck thing going on.

TGV POPCORN MADNESS

I REALLY WANT TO GO AND EAT TGV POPCORN. COULD SOMEONE OR ANYONE KIDNAP ME FROM HERE THIS HELL AND JUST BRING ME TO TGV POPCORN 

LIKE PLEASE !

HongKong Disneyland

So I'm back here again with Blogger writing all my thoughts rubbish or not. Haha it's no one goddamn business. Heh. Lets talk about MY DREAM ADVENTURES. I wanted to go to HONG KONG DISNEYLAND instead of UNIVERSAL STUDIOS IN SINGAPORE fucking sucks and small. I never think of wasting my money there. I can count their rides and it's SMALL. So yea, I've been planning my trip to go to HKDisneyland. Total expenses for two people would be RM3K+ including the 2 days pass for theme park. 1 dinner buffet special menu by Mickey Mouse The Chef. 2 nights at the Disneyland hotel. Transportation by Air Asia Airlines at the worst deal ( just in case ) and 2 passport. Kinda OK right? 1 HK dollar = rm0.40 so yea it's cheap. It's from this year exchange rate. Yay ! I will bring a total rm4K cash to spend my time there. It's cool right? I pay rm10k and it will be worth it !

I will try my very best to collect money for my HK Trip ! Rawr good day y'all. Now it's time for Lin to have her breakfast CIAO !

Hoping that someone can win 
4D TOTO FOR ME TO PAY ALL MY TRIP EXPENSES !

FANTASIZING

Everyday I fantasize myself with my real family. Happy and all that. Not what I feel now. I feel bitter every time I have to go back to my hometown. I mean why? It's not like I'm bonding with them. So I fantasize the day I meet my mom and her home made meal.... I.. really wanted to eat that. It would be my first time. I really wish that what I dream now... my mom would be having the same dream with me too. I feel scared to meet her, well after I heard lot of not so encouraging stories from my friends. Haha. Well kids you don't experience what I feel. You can't be in my shoes cause you already have what I don't have. Sometimes I'd like to ask my friends, "so how your parents meet and fall inlove?" I frequent ask those questions because I wish I can ask mine. I ask my adopted mom and she slam me off with "it's none of your business." I really like to ask my friends how their families where like. Sometimes when I get really bored, I'd like to browsing some random happy family photos and on the bottom of the picture written there I Love You Dad. I Love You Mom. But all this kinda shattered when I read some article says there are some happy endings in biological families reunion and some of it just not happy ending. It scares me cause everyday I wake up I wish my ending would be the good ones. 

But really, I understand if she have a new family now and she wishes that I'm just a bump that should stay in the past. I understand. If anyone who could give me her exact address I won't be knocking at her door and says I'm your long lost child or maybe I hoped that she could welcome me. All I want is to see her from far... see how she look like. I wouldn't go there and ask her how did she get me and all that. To me if I just see her face it would be more than enough. 

I'M SAD

Baby Ken,

I should be honest with you right now. I need you to know how I feel.

• You're too emotional and it's hard for me to handle. I'm drowning and sinking in your love right now and I want to have a little air to breath.
• You know what I'm still a Muslim as much I want to hug you kiss you in public I have my time. And yes I don't feel uncomfortable when you keep like indirectly forcing me to kiss you or hug you.
• Even though I'm your girlfriend that you feel comfortable with I understand that but I want you to act like grown up man. PLEASE wipe your mouth you eat like a kid. I always have to remind you about this shit. 
• I want to have a NORMAL communication with you. I'm tired acting all cute or kawaii. I want to be me. Sometimes I talk to you like a friend of mine. WHEN you ask me to be all cute lovey dovey for you. Boy I'm getting bored and sick with it. It's like we can't communicate now AND I have to be someone else and not me.
• The invade privacy thing issue we experience yesterday.

I'M SCARED BECAUSE I GOT LOT MORE TO LOSE THAN YOU DO. SO YES I DON'T THINK I SHOULD BE HAPPY AFTER WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH. I'M NOT LIKE YOU. YOU WAY FUCK UP PROUD YOU READ SOME OTHER PEOPLE EXPERIENCE ABOUT THIS THING.

You should understand one thing, I love you. I wish my life would be the same like yours. You can do anything. My life is the opposite of yours. I wish you could see and feel my life. I'm not allowed to do stuff that is not what my kind/people should be doing. Even if I don't look like them. I fear because I can't lie to myself that I am one of them. I can't be lovey dovey like I used too because I know it's a wrong thing to do. 

I can't keep on pretending I'm tired. Showing love affection is always what I wanted to do. But in this country we just can't. Face it. You can't always have what you want.

HAPPY NEW YEAR BABY I LOVE YOU

BABY KEN

Baby Ken,

You are always emotional,

You suppressed your emotions,

You are very loyal to me,

You love me and accept me for who I am,

You support me and never leave me when I need you,

You were there for me,

You are my only one,

You're the one that I love till forever,

You're special to me,

You're my life.

And I <3 you so much. Just that you can't feel it....

I love you. Did you know that?

I wrote a short poem for you. not nice

Before you I never understand 

What is the meaning of love

The love that you shower for me everyday was a wonderful feeling

You're like a chili that spice up my life with your hot love

Your love makes me feel safe and protected

Your love makes me feel supported

I can even do anything and everything for you

My dear hot stuff boyfriend.

BEING RANDOM: FINISH MY BLOG LOL

Today is the 14/12

Today I will go to JPN.
Today I will know my true IDENTITY.
Today I will learn about my PAST.
Today I will go and find you MOM n DAD.

Today I will go there ... will there be a GOOD NEWS?