Dad...

Hey Dad, 

I don't think we will ever meet. Maybe if we will I would just say exactly what I write now. You maybe out there  living your life. I'm here trying to live my life as well. I had a dream a big one. I wanna be rich. I wanna own a big company. Big ones. I wanna be rich using my talents so I don't have to count my money inside my bank account. I only wish someone would just take me out from this hell. Right now I don't know if I can keep my dreams any longer. Hahaha. Sucks to be poor and stupid. In debt with many people around me. Loan PTPTPN with rm15k including interest. I'm just writing all these things not to ask you any dime. Just that it could ease my pain now if you would just say, "Lin, just study hard don't think about others. People around you are not that poor. They can afford rm15k fees. Even I will be supporting you. Do you know how many people want you to keep dreaming? Many, and they love you. So don't worry." I would be much calmer if you say it rather than I do. I just don't want to comfort myself. It always fail. Hahaha. 

MOM

Hey mom, how are you? So you're happy now? I really wish you do. Mom, I'm 21 years old now. Did you know how fast time flies? Did you ever count my age? Mom, thanks. I may not know why you gave me up for adoption. I don't think you have to say anything. I know you want the best for me. I know you want to give me the life that I deserve to have. Thanks. I've always feel alone. When I was a kid I always knew I don't belong here. Everyone in the family look so different than me. There's no resemblance. Now I know why and I don't feel alone now. Right now, maybe you don't know what I'm trying to do. But I'm trying my best to find you and meet you. I don't have any leads yet but I won't give up and when we meet I want to introduce you to my boyfriend. He's a joker, handsome but he never know that, smart and always showing off his talents. When we meet, I want to get to know you more maybe we will have the awkwardness but I'm sure we work it out. Oh yeah, I travel a lot and pray that one day I will be rich and I could show you the world. Mom I won't leave you this time. I'm not a good daughter anyway but I love you even though I don't know you and I want to be together with you for more than 21 years. 

Tears of Joy

Hey, today is Tuesday. I wanna share a very interesting story. It's about me. Since I was a kid I've been longing for a normal family. I don't think the family I have right now was my real family. My parents never put much trust on me. My dad never really talk to me. My mum all she can do is find something wrong with me. Sometimes it's too easy for my dad to cut relationship with me for any trouble I cause. I always think they never treat me like I'm one of them just a freaking slave. Last week, on Friday, I finally have the courage to go to JPN Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara to find out my origin my real identity because I was a muslim my father's name is written as Abdullah instead of the father who raise me. I just went there, asking for my birth certificate just to know who is actually my biological parents. Guess what I do have a biological mother and her name was Lucy. I was so happy I just cried there. For 21 years, I've always feel so alone and that day I feel like I wasn't anymore. Then I ask them, can I get her full details. Where is she now? Who's my father? What race is she? Her religion? I was excited. There's was so many question I have in my mind. No one would actually understand how I feel. They were raise by their own family. So they don't really feel the joy I feel at that moment. They knew how happy I am and so they ask me to fill up some forms and they tried to do background check on my mother. I cried for almost 2 days. But I started to question myself, why did she gave me up for adoption? Why there was no record on my father? So what is my real name before the adoption? Are they still alive? Iban religion normally are Christian and Free Thinker. There was also a part of me think that before this I'm Christian and was raise as a Muslim? I just can't wait for the real document to arrive. I wanna know more about myself. I did share this story to some of my friends. Some of them said that I'm actually a bastard and that's why my mother gave me up for adoption. They also said that Iban people they have like some intercourse tradition and that's when they have me. It was just a mistake to have me. So they gave me up. Some say, I think your father is dead and what not probably everything happen during one night stand. As for me, I don't really care what my friends have to say. I don't think that I was born because of a mistake that my mom make. I went through my baby pictures, I didn't look like I was any mistake. I was happy and I don't think my mom would gave me up. I wanna believe that she did gave me up but only to let me have a better life that she could never give. I wanna believe that my parents still out there somewhere, happy and still do love me and still do remember me and who knows... my parents actually celebrating my birthday every year. I may have not seen my real mother in person but the tears that falls on my cheek says that my mother really really love me and she misses me everyday and I can feel that so deep in my heart. 

COSPLAY DAYS ♥

Do you guys know what is cosplay? If you don't, that's just so sad. Cosplay is kinda like what European people do during Halloween. They dress up look alike their favorite character from video games or anime. Cosplay is the combination of 2 words which is costume and play so sums up cosplay ! It's really fun thing to do. In Malaysia we have many cosplay events but the biggest event of the year is Comic Fiesta. That's the event where thousands of cosplayer around South East Asia came to Malaysia just to show their costume, make up and interact with other game / anime lovers. I, myself is one of them. 

♥ It's really fun !

For this post I decided to show some of cosplay photoshoot ! Enjoy !

This Meer Campbell from Gundam Seed Destiny 

♥

This is me again. Crossdressing as Kaito from Vocaloid.

This is me as Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed

Me and my friend. This is our very first time cosplaying hehe.

By the way these costumes I wear I actually sew them. I'm so talented. XD

Laugh Out Loud Peeps

Best Joke Ever. 

Dear Diary Entry ONE ♥

Hello Hello !

So today I really got nothing to do, actually today me and friend suppose to go to Times Square but sadly we got no transportation and since none of us really enjoy public transport... so we cancel it. 

What did I do today?

I watch Chuck Tv series for season 1. Okay this is not my 1st time watching it I watched it before it's so cool. I really really like  Yvonne Strahovski ! She's so hot. I'm not lesbian or anything. Girl never compliments one another but she  Yvonne Strahovski deserved it. Come on. Look at her body her skin it's flawless. I'm so jealous. She's nothing like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian I dunno why dude digs them. Plus she's really good in acting. Hehe.

Then, I woke up around 2am I think and I called my baby ken. Hehe he's so sweet. I really love him. After that I decided to cut my annoying fringe. Maybe next time I'll upload some picture of my new hairstyle. I have to admit I really LOOK WAY CUTE LOL ! 

TOMORROW?

Tomorrow is FRIDAY. What should I do this time? I don't want to sit on the chair and watch soap opera that's just lame. Maybe I should have McD Samurai Burger for my lunch... I hate sweet stuffs but this is major priority cause the beef is so juicy. 

♥ Byeeeeeeeee 

SIMPLE GYARU EYE MAKE UP !

Make up !

Since I'm from Asian country I know about Gyaru Eye Make Up. I'm planning to do my own tutorial. Maybe later. Anyways, YOU wanna know the secret to make those dolly eyes? Simple ! You need 3 things contact lenses, dolly wink lashes and duo glue. Easy right? You can apply eyeliner and eye shadow. BUT keep it simple. Maybe one color for the eye shadow let's say gold and make a thin line for your eyeliner. 

First, you need contact lenses any type or brand will do. 

Second, you need fake lashes. OK about false lashes stuff. I'm good at this. You need to buy dolly wink lashes and if you don't know what dolly wink lashes look like. Below here is the picture. You need 2 pairs for each eye lower and upper lashes of your eyes. That makes a total 4 pairs.

Difference between dolly wink lashes and normal lashes you see in stores is the gap. In stores, their lashes have small gap in between sometimes they don't even have any gap so the lashes will turn out looking like a broom stick.

DOLLY WINK LASHES

It is expensive but worth buying it

NORMAL FALSE LASHES

The broom stick lashes

Third, you need glue to stick your lashes. I recommend you guys to buy DUO. It last long than other glue. (To me of course)

How to apply your dolly wink lashes upper and lower. 

Just put small line of duo glue on your lashes. You don't need much and just apply it on your eye lash. Believe me it takes time to put it on. Just be patient with it. You will get used to it after couple of times applying it. Wait for several minutes for the glue to dry up.

*** love (●´･ω･｀)(´･ω･｀●)love *** 

DONE !