BABY KEN

Baby Ken,

You are always emotional,

You suppressed your emotions,

You are very loyal to me,

You love me and accept me for who I am,

You support me and never leave me when I need you,

You were there for me,

You are my only one,

You're the one that I love till forever,

You're special to me,

You're my life.

And I <3 you so much. Just that you can't feel it....

I love you. Did you know that?

I wrote a short poem for you. not nice

Before you I never understand 

What is the meaning of love

The love that you shower for me everyday was a wonderful feeling

You're like a chili that spice up my life with your hot love

Your love makes me feel safe and protected

Your love makes me feel supported

I can even do anything and everything for you

My dear hot stuff boyfriend.

BEING RANDOM: FINISH MY BLOG LOL

Today is the 14/12

Today I will go to JPN.
Today I will know my true IDENTITY.
Today I will learn about my PAST.
Today I will go and find you MOM n DAD.

Today I will go there ... will there be a GOOD NEWS?

Dad...

Hey Dad, 

I don't think we will ever meet. Maybe if we will I would just say exactly what I write now. You maybe out there  living your life. I'm here trying to live my life as well. I had a dream a big one. I wanna be rich. I wanna own a big company. Big ones. I wanna be rich using my talents so I don't have to count my money inside my bank account. I only wish someone would just take me out from this hell. Right now I don't know if I can keep my dreams any longer. Hahaha. Sucks to be poor and stupid. In debt with many people around me. Loan PTPTPN with rm15k including interest. I'm just writing all these things not to ask you any dime. Just that it could ease my pain now if you would just say, "Lin, just study hard don't think about others. People around you are not that poor. They can afford rm15k fees. Even I will be supporting you. Do you know how many people want you to keep dreaming? Many, and they love you. So don't worry." I would be much calmer if you say it rather than I do. I just don't want to comfort myself. It always fail. Hahaha. 

MOM

Hey mom, how are you? So you're happy now? I really wish you do. Mom, I'm 21 years old now. Did you know how fast time flies? Did you ever count my age? Mom, thanks. I may not know why you gave me up for adoption. I don't think you have to say anything. I know you want the best for me. I know you want to give me the life that I deserve to have. Thanks. I've always feel alone. When I was a kid I always knew I don't belong here. Everyone in the family look so different than me. There's no resemblance. Now I know why and I don't feel alone now. Right now, maybe you don't know what I'm trying to do. But I'm trying my best to find you and meet you. I don't have any leads yet but I won't give up and when we meet I want to introduce you to my boyfriend. He's a joker, handsome but he never know that, smart and always showing off his talents. When we meet, I want to get to know you more maybe we will have the awkwardness but I'm sure we work it out. Oh yeah, I travel a lot and pray that one day I will be rich and I could show you the world. Mom I won't leave you this time. I'm not a good daughter anyway but I love you even though I don't know you and I want to be together with you for more than 21 years. 

Tears of Joy

Hey, today is Tuesday. I wanna share a very interesting story. It's about me. Since I was a kid I've been longing for a normal family. I don't think the family I have right now was my real family. My parents never put much trust on me. My dad never really talk to me. My mum all she can do is find something wrong with me. Sometimes it's too easy for my dad to cut relationship with me for any trouble I cause. I always think they never treat me like I'm one of them just a freaking slave. Last week, on Friday, I finally have the courage to go to JPN Jabatan Pendaftaran Negara to find out my origin my real identity because I was a muslim my father's name is written as Abdullah instead of the father who raise me. I just went there, asking for my birth certificate just to know who is actually my biological parents. Guess what I do have a biological mother and her name was Lucy. I was so happy I just cried there. For 21 years, I've always feel so alone and that day I feel like I wasn't anymore. Then I ask them, can I get her full details. Where is she now? Who's my father? What race is she? Her religion? I was excited. There's was so many question I have in my mind. No one would actually understand how I feel. They were raise by their own family. So they don't really feel the joy I feel at that moment. They knew how happy I am and so they ask me to fill up some forms and they tried to do background check on my mother. I cried for almost 2 days. But I started to question myself, why did she gave me up for adoption? Why there was no record on my father? So what is my real name before the adoption? Are they still alive? Iban religion normally are Christian and Free Thinker. There was also a part of me think that before this I'm Christian and was raise as a Muslim? I just can't wait for the real document to arrive. I wanna know more about myself. I did share this story to some of my friends. Some of them said that I'm actually a bastard and that's why my mother gave me up for adoption. They also said that Iban people they have like some intercourse tradition and that's when they have me. It was just a mistake to have me. So they gave me up. Some say, I think your father is dead and what not probably everything happen during one night stand. As for me, I don't really care what my friends have to say. I don't think that I was born because of a mistake that my mom make. I went through my baby pictures, I didn't look like I was any mistake. I was happy and I don't think my mom would gave me up. I wanna believe that she did gave me up but only to let me have a better life that she could never give. I wanna believe that my parents still out there somewhere, happy and still do love me and still do remember me and who knows... my parents actually celebrating my birthday every year. I may have not seen my real mother in person but the tears that falls on my cheek says that my mother really really love me and she misses me everyday and I can feel that so deep in my heart. 

COSPLAY DAYS ♥

Do you guys know what is cosplay? If you don't, that's just so sad. Cosplay is kinda like what European people do during Halloween. They dress up look alike their favorite character from video games or anime. Cosplay is the combination of 2 words which is costume and play so sums up cosplay ! It's really fun thing to do. In Malaysia we have many cosplay events but the biggest event of the year is Comic Fiesta. That's the event where thousands of cosplayer around South East Asia came to Malaysia just to show their costume, make up and interact with other game / anime lovers. I, myself is one of them. 

♥ It's really fun !

For this post I decided to show some of cosplay photoshoot ! Enjoy !

This Meer Campbell from Gundam Seed Destiny 

♥

This is me again. Crossdressing as Kaito from Vocaloid.

This is me as Lacus Clyne from Gundam Seed

Me and my friend. This is our very first time cosplaying hehe.

By the way these costumes I wear I actually sew them. I'm so talented. XD

Laugh Out Loud Peeps

Best Joke Ever. 

Dear Diary Entry ONE ♥

Hello Hello !

So today I really got nothing to do, actually today me and friend suppose to go to Times Square but sadly we got no transportation and since none of us really enjoy public transport... so we cancel it. 

What did I do today?

I watch Chuck Tv series for season 1. Okay this is not my 1st time watching it I watched it before it's so cool. I really really like  Yvonne Strahovski ! She's so hot. I'm not lesbian or anything. Girl never compliments one another but she  Yvonne Strahovski deserved it. Come on. Look at her body her skin it's flawless. I'm so jealous. She's nothing like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian I dunno why dude digs them. Plus she's really good in acting. Hehe.

Then, I woke up around 2am I think and I called my baby ken. Hehe he's so sweet. I really love him. After that I decided to cut my annoying fringe. Maybe next time I'll upload some picture of my new hairstyle. I have to admit I really LOOK WAY CUTE LOL ! 

TOMORROW?

Tomorrow is FRIDAY. What should I do this time? I don't want to sit on the chair and watch soap opera that's just lame. Maybe I should have McD Samurai Burger for my lunch... I hate sweet stuffs but this is major priority cause the beef is so juicy. 

♥ Byeeeeeeeee 

SIMPLE GYARU EYE MAKE UP !

Make up !

Since I'm from Asian country I know about Gyaru Eye Make Up. I'm planning to do my own tutorial. Maybe later. Anyways, YOU wanna know the secret to make those dolly eyes? Simple ! You need 3 things contact lenses, dolly wink lashes and duo glue. Easy right? You can apply eyeliner and eye shadow. BUT keep it simple. Maybe one color for the eye shadow let's say gold and make a thin line for your eyeliner. 

First, you need contact lenses any type or brand will do. 

Second, you need fake lashes. OK about false lashes stuff. I'm good at this. You need to buy dolly wink lashes and if you don't know what dolly wink lashes look like. Below here is the picture. You need 2 pairs for each eye lower and upper lashes of your eyes. That makes a total 4 pairs.

Difference between dolly wink lashes and normal lashes you see in stores is the gap. In stores, their lashes have small gap in between sometimes they don't even have any gap so the lashes will turn out looking like a broom stick.

DOLLY WINK LASHES

It is expensive but worth buying it

NORMAL FALSE LASHES

The broom stick lashes

Third, you need glue to stick your lashes. I recommend you guys to buy DUO. It last long than other glue. (To me of course)

How to apply your dolly wink lashes upper and lower. 

Just put small line of duo glue on your lashes. You don't need much and just apply it on your eye lash. Believe me it takes time to put it on. Just be patient with it. You will get used to it after couple of times applying it. Wait for several minutes for the glue to dry up.

*** love (●´･ω･｀)(´･ω･｀●)love *** 

DONE !

Why do teenage girls smoke?

Why do teenage girls smoke?

This scenario we always see around us. But the question is WHY? 

They are so many speculations and research about this behavior. 

Here are my opinions about this issue.

1. Popularity: You wanna be popular be a bad bad girl first to attract one's attention.
2. Gender: We girls too can do what boys can do. If boys are allowed to leave the house anytime they want we girls have the right to do the same thing. So in smoking it's the same case. We girls earn for equal rights.
3. Stress: Teenagers face same problems in their life which is education, finance, peers and family. So they think by smoking they can lead a happy life. Psychologically their thoughts are: If we smoke we can stop think about it. 
4. Influences: Now days teenagers are very much influenced by their favorite celebrities. 
5. Weight: By smoking, teenage girls think they can control or lose weight.

How do we prevent or put a full stop to all this?

You can't. To change someone you have to make a change for yourself. Monkey see and Monkey do. Easy right?

Love

Lets talk about love. Have you ever been in love? I know you have. Have you ever been in a relationship? I know majority of you do and minority of you don't. What about love anyways? What is so good about it? What is so pure about it? Why people search for love? Why people wanna be in love? 

My answer is: 
Humans are not perfect and since god created 2 different sex which is male and female we both are attracted to each other. What we seek in them is what we don't have in our self. We are not perfect so by falling in love with someone we tend to feel complete. Get what I mean? That's why heard people say something like you complete my life. You complete me. 
So why some of the people choose to not be in love? 

Well, maybe they already feel perfect that in some point they don't need or don't want to depend on others. They feel by being in love they will be screwed not able to live a happy life because maybe their partners will weigh them down. Some people choose not to be in love is because they think if they have someone who love them, their freedom is at risk. They can't go out with certain someone cause their partners will get jealous so they tend to think having a boyfriend of a girlfriend is a problem. Some think they don't want to get hurt. 

Then again this reason is just for someone who is coward and never  dare to take chances in their life.

So why people who experience heartbroken continuously finding a boyfriend or girlfriend? 
Because they need a person to be there with them every step of the way to make them feel supported. Because they need a friend who they can really trust to share their dirty secret. Because they need to be reminded how many people care of him or her to continue their life.

Why certain relationship ended? 
It's because we forget how much we love them, how much they mean to you in your life. When the relationship about to end. You can never think something like this until the person is really gone disappear from your life.Sometimes some relationship ended because their trust is broken. Why is it broken? Because we don't feel special like we used too with our partners and we tend to find someone else so we can feel special again.

TRUE LOVE? 
I wonder myself too if true love exist? Maybe it does. How do we find it? True love happens when we found someone who can tolerate with our flaws. True love happens when we understand each other and we try our best to make them happy. We tend to feel frustrated when we can't make them happy because we know when they smile it means everything to us. You can feel the unicorns, flowery effects and stars shining all around us as if we won the lottery ticket. AND True love happens when 2 people continue to fight and move on when they encounter storms along their relationship. No one will give up on each other. You needed more than just love to love them. You need faith, trust and understanding towards one another. It's not easy but I'm sure we can find true love if we believe in it. 

Izara YouTube Video

Okay recently in Malaysia we have some celeb issue. To you who don't know who is Izara. She's one of Malaysian celebrity. Her issue? Not much, just someone make a fuss over her dance project. Some say her so called "Tango Dance" is sexy and what not. First of all, if you are educated enough that is not a tango dance. Epic. That dance is just what we call "Sketch" from some movie scene. duh. So if you have watch it. It's not even sexy and her clothes are just normal typical asian style not like almost showing all her skin.

It became more interesting when people start to comment the video. Saying like this is a sin to wear this clothes. This is a sin to dance something by far "exotic" in public. This is ridiculous why can't you dance something appropriate like zapin what not? Some say: You choose to put your sin on the line for your final project. Some say it make muslim people look bad.

In my opinion: 

Why the hell would you care how she dress up? Get a grip. She's doing for her final project. How the dance turns up either good or bad it's not your problem also. Weird people. I've seen worst than this. Why not she do zapin dance? Are you her lecturer. Maybe who knows your zapin dance couldn't fit the project criteria? LOL ever think of that. Seriously malay these days got so many issues going around here. Malay people could spend so much time critic other random people rather than spending their time to look at the mirror. Are you that perfect to begin with? If you wanna talk about sin make sure you are god. Which is not even close. Clearly you are not a saint also. Funny. 

I'm not Izara's fan freaks defending her. I just wanna open some of people who can't think outside the box.

TODAY

I'm so bored today. My semester break is just not fun at all. I wanna spend my time with my baby. Hehe. It's been 2 days I stay at MMU hostel. Sigh. It was fun but when the car is gone. Everything is just... Oh Man. This is so not cool anymore. 

Yesterday? I just watch Persona 4 anime, eat and sleep. Persona 4 taught me many stuffs like bear languages. Here is the list for my new bear vocabulary.

1. Beary
2. Bear-serk
3. Libeary
4. Bearified
5. Bearific
6. Bear skin
7. Bear-sona
8. Bear-ever aka Whatever

Now? I'm just listening to musics and download movies from kat.ph. LOL ! 
Tomorrow? My friend said she wanna go to Times Square again for another window shopping. Well since I got no plans. SO why not? 
Next week? Genting Highlands !! Romantic evenings. Hehe. Me can't wait Me sexcited. 

About Me ♥

Hey all ! I'm Fadhlin Sakina Abdullah and this is not my first time using blogger. Haha ! I used to blog. Then well I lost my blog. So this is my new blog ! 

♥ About me? I'm just a normal girl living in a normal life. I ♥ pink, red, orange and yellow color. I ♥ to eat and my favorite food is BEEF BURGER. I ♥ to drink milk tea with pearls from Chatime, Mocha Frappachino Venti size from Starbucks and Old Town White Coffee Mocha Freeze. Damn addicted to it. I ♥ to watch movies, drama and anime ! I play online games too CASUAL ONES like AuditionSEA ! Played since beta till today of course. My hobbies? I like to take pictures with my NIKON camera, I enjoy window shopping at Times Square with my friends and sew my own clothes. YES i do know how to sew. 

10 Facts about me :

1. I'm taken no longer single. Hehe.
2. I'm 21 but I look like 17 year old.
3. I have a diploma but currently I'm doing my foundation. 2 different majors. COOL right?
4. "I don't look like a malay." said someone.
5. I love to play chess but I suck at it.
6. I never been to Genting Highlands... But I've been living in Malaysia almost 18 years.
7. I take Cambridge classes every weekend but my English is the worst.
8. I always day dreaming........
9. I'm very emotional and sensitive.
10. I HATE GHOST STORIES. It gives me the chills.